It is always said that when a couple begins to live under the same roof, it is also the moment when man and woman begin to get to know each other as they are. This is because tricks, manias, customs and habits can no longer be hidden, and are evident in front of the other. In this sense, sleep becomes a real issue.
Of course, because while some people believe that the bedroom should only be used for rest, others consider it the ideal place to read, use the computer or watch television to disconnect before sleeping. And it is at that moment that the couple begins to implement solutions to “bother” each other as little as possible, such as using earplugs, an eye mask to block the light or headphones so as not to disturb the other with noise.
Now, if the other person snores, talks in his sleep, wakes up in the middle of the night to bring food to bed, does not stop tossing and turning between the sheets, or likes to uncover himself or cover himself up to his neck regardless of whether it is cold or hot, sleeping as a couple can become a real nightmare that for some can only be solved with what may seem like a drastic measure: sleep in separate rooms.
“It’s paradise,” said journalist and writer Tom Sykes in a column he published last March in “The Telegraph”, in which he recounted his experience of sleeping in a different room from his wife’s.
“I can read Alan Furst’s novels late into the night or go to bed at 10:00 p.m. without disturbing my wife. I can go to the bathroom at 4:00 without stubbing my toe, because I can turn on the light without fear of waking up my beloved and, best of all, I can snore, gass, growl, drool and… sleep,” he described.
Although Skyes explained that what motivated the separation of the bedrooms was his wife’s discomfort during her last month of pregnancy, he acknowledges that he had been considering it as an option for several years, especially because, he says, “all the studies show that we sleep much better when we are alone”.
Regarding sex, the journalist and writer said that instead of being an obstacle, separate pieces can stoke the fire and create a more dating atmosphere, in which he and she ask each other: “in your room or in mine?” In fact, he pointed out that surely many couples do not admit that they sleep in different places, because they fear that others will think that they no longer have sex or that their relationship is bad.
“I don’t feel that way. It seems to me that a good sleep life is as important as a good sex life,” he emphasized.
Main reasons for sleeping apart:
Snoring: quite often generates problems sleeping in the couple, because obviously the noise wakes up the person who is sleeping next to it (…) There comes a time when the intensity is such that they even have to leave the bedroom because they have to rest and cannot do their work the next day.
Restless legs syndrome: occurs when a person feels the irresistible urge to move their legs before falling asleep. “He rubs them, makes stretches and if that is very accentuated it also bothers the person next to him”, in 80% of cases, people who have this problem, during the night experience jumps that are totally involuntary.
REM behavioural disorder: “Although it may seem tragicomic, it is a problem that is mainly seen in men aged 55 and over,” explains the specialist. This consists of people acting out their dreams, especially those that are violent. Thus, if, for example, in the dream he is defending himself from an attack, he begins to give blows that are received by the one who sleeps next to him.
Getting up to eat at night: these are people, especially women, who go to the refrigerator irresistibly and involuntarily during the night. “Sometimes they get up so many times that the other gets bored and ends up changing bedrooms.”
So how can you prevent a couple from sleeping apart? There are always solutions, either with medication or with modifications in customs and habits. However, she stresses that it is necessary to talk to the partner and explain the importance of respecting the appropriate conditions so that the other can sleep and get a good rest.
“If one gives a good explanation, a good argumentation, one of them understands and adapts. But sometimes there is no adaptation, and you have to be careful because sometimes there is a covert relationship problem and snoring is simply the excuse to change bedrooms.”
Source: El País (Uruguay)
